OK this was a popular one so here is a re-post:
Woodside in Distress?
August 12, 2011
By Tadchase
Dear Mr. Johnson,
San Francisco Chronicle
RE: “Oakland in Distress”, published August 2, 2011
Unfortunately, Oakland isn’t the only community in distress. Here on the peninsula the tony enclave of Woodside, home to Larry Ellison, Steve Jobs, Michelle Pfeiffer and Koko the gorilla, is terrorized by a vicious criminal gang of cyclists known as the “Noon Ride”. Each day (around noon, thus the name) these spandex clad pavement prima-donnas mount their overpriced assemblages of rarefied carbon fiber and race through city streets with NO RESPECT FOR STOP SIGNS! This is outrageous! For goodness sakes, billionaires are being INCONVENIENCED! On occasion Americas A-list can be espied cowering in idling Bugatti’s, trapped, yes trapped in their driveways for up to an entire 30 seconds as the “Noon Ride” hooligans flash by! OH THE HUMANITY! And if there’s no respect for stop signs what next? Our billionaires could become infected with this licentiousness and they might start trading in derivatives, synthetic CDO’s and where might that lead? The slope it is slippery.
Can nothing be done to tame this evil menace?
Why yes as a matter of fact, for it seems that Woodside has a lot more $$$$ than Oakland and has formed it’s own Crime Reduction Team! Recently a posse of six, count ‘em six of our finest brave boys in blue mounted their trusty Harley Davidson’s, corralled 43 devilish Riders (that number is either a wild guess or as they say on FOX NEWS a “fact”) and wrote them tickets! Yup, the whole group.
Now some people may think it a poor allocation of resources that Woodside can afford to assign six cops to bust cyclists for running stop signs while twenty miles away in impoverished Oakland people are being shot to death almost daily due to the lack of police, but this is America in 2011, the “fairness doctrine” is Socialism, $$$$ talks and we all know what walks!*
USA!, USA!, USA!
Tad ohimsogonnagetpulledover Chase
Last updated: February 9 2012